Heart of the World

 More than usual, interactions with other people have been challenging me lately. I asked my astrologer friend what is happening. Can I blame this on something outside of me? Is there something in the air or earth energy or planets that is making us all more irritable, more reactive, less cooperative? I would like my interactions with people to be honest and gentle and sensitive instead of frustrated. This seems a reasonable wish. Yet all too often I've been feeling unhappy with how some human interaction has gone. I know that I need to look to myself for the solution, not blame other people, even though in the moment of frustration it is easy to be tempted to place the blame elsewhere! The only thing that has helped me with this is to sit quietly somewhere outside, and notice what is going on in the natural world.

This morning I could feel myself becoming frustrated with little things. Nothing seemed quite right. I was not patient with my kitty when she threw up in my bedroom. I cursed at the bowl that slipped out of my hands. And I wondered where in the world my 10:00 massage client was, for she was quite late. What saved me was going out on my porch and sitting in the swing to wait for her. There were all sorts of pollinators working the flowers: bees, hummingbirds, wasps, bumblebees, butterflies. They were all going about their business, flitting here and there, filling up. And the hummingbird feeder was attracting not only hummingbirds, but also bees and wasps. The sun was shining. The temperature was delightfully cool. And I could just sit and be present. It turned out to be exactly what I needed. I was part of the landscape, an observer until a hummingbird flew right over my head and reeled me back in. By the time my client got here, with heartfelt apologies, I was happy and relaxed. It was so good that she'd been late, for it allowed me to find a different center.

While I was giving the massage, the same feeling stayed with me. I could look out on the other side of my home through the massage room window, and the pollinators were working blossoms there too. The wind was blowing the vines gently, the birds were flying over on their way somewhere, and I was doing something I love, easing the tight places in my client's body. The way this craniosacral therapy works is a little like sitting and listening. waiting to be shown what to do. My hands tune into the connective tissue, and it pulls me where it needs to go. As I was hovering over the massage table, listening with my hands, with the hum of insects just outside the window, it felt very like I was in the heart of the world.  I had been able to sideskirt the habitual worries and frustrations of my daily life, and go wider and deeper to somewhere not at all personal. I felt part of the whole. I could be who I am, whoever that is, and be connected to everything else. 

I have these experiences now and again, but this centeredness certainly isn't my usual dwelling place. I am not a patient person by nature, as my mother often reminded me. I don't like to wait. So it is a rare treat when I can leave all that impatience behind and just be part of the earth experience. What I wish is that I could be there all the time. There's my impatience again. Yet I know that I can get there if I sit quietly and notice, listen, be aware.  Be a still watcher and let the world guide me to some measure of peace.