From Tribulation to Gratitude

 It's been too long since I've written on this blog. I usually try to write something at least somewhat inspiring, something in the world that I've discovered and want to share. However, my last three weeks have been kind of a nightmare, and it has been hard to think of anything very positive. But it is definitely time to write something, so I guess I'll write some about my last three weeks, and hope that by the end, I will come out with something positive. I know we're all suffering through hard times just now, if not personally, then in the wider world. And we're all connected in this. Even if someone never watched the news, or lived deep in a forest with only deer and rabbits as friends, I think there is something in the atmosphere in this troubled world that would affect us even then. We've gotten off the healthy track, and everything is diminished.

Here's how my tough last three weeks started. When you've grown a child in your own body, there is always a special connection there. No matter where that child is, no matter how different their life might be than yours, no matter how far away, you feel that person as if he or she were a part of you. And they are! So when my daughter was going through a really tough time, even though she was a thousand miles away, I felt an unstoppable inner calling to get in my car and start driving to help her. I didn't forget that both my daughters have impressed upon me that my 80-year-old self should be done with road trips. But this seemed different, a crisis that I needed to respond to. And I drove for three days on construction-ridden roads with traffic going at incredibly high speeds, and got there, worn out, feeling that maybe it was crazy to drive all that way after all, but I survived. It's what a mother does. And my daughter was doing the same thing, what a mother does for her own child, who was in distress. 

Now I am finally back home, and still recovering from the stressful situation that assaulted my daughter's family. I will not violate my grandson's privacy by going into details, but the worst thing, the most frightening thing, was the abysmal hospital that he went to for several days. This hospital had been bought by a big corporation whose only interest was in making money. They pared down their staff, kept patients in their rooms with little care, and almost killed my grandson. They wouldn't give him his insulin for his diabetes, wouldn't let his parents visit him, left him uncared-for in a little room. It was horrifying to all of us, and for my grandson it was the worst. We were finally able to get him out of the hospital and home, and now we are in the process of recovering from the trauma and looking for answers and a path ahead.

We were warned by a supportive counselor during this situation that we all would probably end up having at least some PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). And that clearly happened for all of us. We kept saying: "This is the worst day of my life." And then the next day we would have to change that, for the next day was worse. This kind of trauma leaves people reeling. At first, you can't think of anything but the awful things that have happened. And it is very hard to think of anything good. Having been a counselor before I retired, I'm trying to step back and notice how I am reacting, hoping that soon I will return to a more normal psychological state. But it takes awhile! 

What I can't help being aware of is that though our family's experiences were truly awful, we are not the only ones in the world who are dealing with trauma. Just watching the news, I see the people in Palestine, and in the Ukraine, undergoing terrible atrocities. Immigrants in this country are frightened for their lives. And many citizens are worried about how they will possibly be able to afford health care now. One thing after another is impacting all of us. And these traumas affect our wider vision, our sense of safety and wellbeing. Sitting at my desk here in a warm house with enough to eat and a bed to sleep in, I am one of the lucky ones.

It is easy to look at the current state of our world and be very, very discouraged. In this country, it seems like greed and competition have all but erased the cooperative culture that we thought we had. I shudder when I watch newscasts of Palestinians trying their best to survive in hopeless situations. When I was young, I learned that we Quakers objected to war, and it sounded like a good choice. But war was always there somewhere in the world, and I think we all just accepted that this was part of human life. Now I wonder why our human race has never figured out how to avoid killing each other. If we are smart, if we have created all sorts of miraculous things, how in the world do we still think it is fine to kill thousands of people who live somewhere else on our planet, people who are mostly like us? Stepping back and looking at this with a bit of perspective, it just seems totally crazy! We pride ourselves in being the smartest of animals, but we have not learned to get along with each other. 

And then there's greed (which is related to war). Greed creates the existence of hospitals like the one my grandson was in. One would think that the reason hospitals exist is to help sick people. That used to be the case. But as many hospitals are now being bought out by large corporations, often very removed from the actual physical and functioning care center, decisions are made by choosing what would bring in the most money. The effect on people gets lost in the shuffle and creates abysmal situations for the people who are sick and need care. They think they are going to be helped by competent and caring health professionals, and find they are just dumped.

OK, so it's time to write something inspiring, so this isn't a totally depressing blog post! Well, fortunately there ARE still positive things on our earth. One of the things I've been doing to help me get over the PTSD is to list the positive things that happen, so I don't just focus on the bad stuff. And there are so many. At the end of my three week visit at my daughter's, it was clearly time for me to drive back to Iowa. But I was so exhausted that it was really scary to think of getting back on those horrible crowded highways. I wanted to find some other routes so that it wasn't so dangerous to drive. And low and behold, my sweet brother Jim offered to fly down to Asheville and help me drive back! Oh my! That was truly a godsend. We did it in two, not three, days. And got back safe and sound a few days ago. Another wonderful thing was that when I first left on this trip, I thought I'd only be gone for a few days, and people in my cohousing community volunteered to come and take care of my two kitties twice a day. But I was gone three times as long as I intended! Even so, the wonderful people here kept feeding and caring for the kitties the whole time, even came in just to play with them. And they watered my plants, and collected my mail, and curtailed the damage that these little kittens did.  And my refrigerator had some home-cooked food for me so I had something to eat after the trip.

Rather than going back to a solitary home, I came back to a community full of people who want to cooperate, help each other, have fun together, and take care of the earth. It is in direct contrast to the tough things I'd been experiencing. And it reminds me that of course there are many, many people and places like this. We can all choose to frame our lives around caring and cooperation, not greed and competition. We as individuals have power if we come together. And this is happening all over. Yes, these are challenging times. But most significant change in culture comes from the bottom, not the elite top. One of my favorite books is Lord of the Rings, and I often think of myself as a small, insignificant hobbit. But hobbits, in cooperation with wizards and dwarfs and elves and people, saved Middle Earth!